Learning To Trust Again

What is the foundation of every meaningful relationship? Trust. Our relationships with others, ourselves, and with the world around us. Yet, it feels almost impossible to rebuild when trust is broken, whether through betrayal, trauma, or disappointment. As a trauma-informed coach, and a survivor of trauma, I often witness the deep wounds that broken trust leaves behind, and understand the courage it takes to consider trusting again.

Healing from past hurt is not about rushing to place blind faith in others but about learning to trust in a way that protects and honors your well-being. The journey is not blue-printed tactically nor easy, but it is possible. If you are struggling with trust, know that you are not alone.

Here’s what I have learned, both from my professional and personal experiences about the process of learning to trust again.

1. Don’t Let Your Pain Define You, But Acknowledge It

When trust is broken, it often brings a whirlwind of emotions: anger, sadness, fear, and even shame. You may find yourself questioning everything, including your own judgment. Instead of suppressing these feelings, allow yourself to acknowledge them. Healing begins when you give yourself permission to grieve what was lost.

However, while it is important to honor your pain, it is equally crucial to remember that your past does not define your future. You are not permanently broken. Your ability to trust is not gone, it is just wounded and needs care to heal.

2. Start With Trusting Yourself

Often, people assume that rebuilding trust is solely about learning to trust others again. But true healing begins with trusting yourself.

Ask yourself these three questions:

Can I trust my feelings and instincts?
Can I trust myself to set boundaries and protect my emotional well-being?
Can I trust that I am worthy of safe, healthy relationships?

Rebuilding self-trust means honoring your emotions, practicing self-compassion, and giving yourself grace as you navigate healing. It means learning to listen to your intuition without fear that you will make the same mistakes again.

3. Everyone Is Not Out To Hurt You

After experiencing betrayal or trauma, it’s easy to generalize the hurt. You might think, “If one person betrayed me, what’s stopping others from doing the same?” This defense mechanism is natural, realize it is your brain trying to protect you from future pain.

However, not everyone is the person who hurt you. Not every situation will repeat the past. Part of healing is allowing yourself to see that there are people worthy of your trust, and that discernment, not fear, should guide your relationships.

4. Safety Is Healing. Take Small Steps

Trust does not need to be all or nothing. If the idea of opening up again feels overwhelming, start small:

Share a small detail about yourself and observe how the other person responds.
Observe how consistent someone is with their actions and words.
Pay attention to how people respond when you set boundaries.

Healthy trust is built over time through small, positive experiences. Let trust grow at its own pace. There is no rush.

5. Create Boundaries To Establish Emotional Safety

Boundaries are an essential part of learning to trust again. They allow you to protect yourself while opening up to the possibility of connection.

Boundaries help you:

Recognize what feels safe and what doesn’t.
Be clear about what you need from others.
Say no when something does not align with your values or emotional safety.

When someone respects your boundaries, it builds trust. When they don’t, it gives you valuable information about whether they are someone you want in your life.

6. Be Brave. It Can Be Scary

Trusting again requires courage. It requires the willingness to take a chance on people, knowing there is always some risks involved. But more importantly, it requires believing that you are capable of healing.

Remind yourself:

You are worthy of relationships built on honesty and respect.
You can make wise decisions about who you allow in your life.
You are strong enough to handle setbacks and continue growing.

Healing does not mean you will never feel fear again. It means you choose not to let fear control you.

7. Seek Support When You Need It

You don’t have to take this journey alone. A therapist, support group, or trusted friend can help you process your experiences and provide guidance as you rebuild trust. Seeking support is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength and self-awareness.

If you are struggling to trust again, remember that healing takes time. There is no deadline and no perfect formula. Give yourself patience and grace. One day, you may look back to find that trust found its way back into your life, not because you forced it, but because you nurtured it.